Roger Stone, the self-appointed conservative pain in the rear for Trump, is of his nut, once again. This time, he’s encouraging delegate intimidation with a call for all Trump supporters to visit the delegates hotel rooms to persuade them to vote for Trump. Instead, I think the delegates should visit Roger Stone’s room.
Mind you, this won’t be just any visit. You see, Stone will have to be out of his room for this to be effective. That means you’ll need to figure out how to get into his room.
If you figure this out and find yourself in Roger Stone’s room, without Roger Stone, make sure you have the following items:
- Petroleum Jelly
- Plastic Wrap
- Several packets of blue raspberry Kool Aide
- Screw driver
- Toilet Paper
- Rubber gloves
Generic is perfectly acceptable.
The first thing you do is stream the room with the toilet paper. I mean everywhere!
Once complete, put on the gloves and head into the bathroom. Next, unscrew the shower head. Dump the dry Kool Aide into the shower head and replace it. Not too much because you want to make sure it doesn’t cake up and clog the shower head when Stone takes a shower.
Now that you have the shower ready for a custom hair dye job, unscrew the air rater on the sink (that’s the screen at the bottom of the faucet). Dump in some of the left-over Kool Aide. The Kool Aide mission is now complete.
It’s time to bring out the petroleum jelly. Coat the faucets and door handles with the crap. Don’t forget the toilet handle if it’s not an automatic flush. Save some for the door handle and the toilet set.
Next, lift the lid of the toilet seat and stretch the plastic wrap, covering the entire opening and seal it like you would that left-over green jello monstrosity aunt Mable brought to your last Easter dinner. Whip out the petroleum jelly once more and coat the top of the plastic wrap. Close the rim and make sure you coat that with petroleum jelly.
Put all evidence of your prankster side back in the bag but leave the petroleum jelly in your hand. Coat the door handle on your way out, close the jar, throw it in your bag, and run like heck!
Keep in mind, most hotels and motels have security cameras. Some work, some do not, so you’ll want to come up with a really clever disguise before doing this. If staying at the same place, it’s a good idea to leave the building, put on the disguise, and then re-enter so you can full-fill your prankster duties.
You’ll also want to leave the hotel/motel to take off the disguise and nonchalantly stroll back in as if nothing happened. Please don’t bring the ‘evidence’ back into the hotel and throw it in the trash can in your room. Find a location outside of the hotel.
As a responsible adult, I cannot in any way condone the actions listed above. It is merely fictitious scenario that no one should actually attempt.
The image of Roger Stone showing up on the convention floor flustered with blue hair was just to much to not write down and share. The hilarity ended with the mere thought of Stone’s blue where-evers hanging out.
It always goes wrong when it comes to the deserts …